4.PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
4.1. SELF DISCOVERY
The process of self-discovery leads to the accumulation of self-knowledge. Self-knowledge itself is more of an end point, a moving target of sorts, which identifies what we know about ourselves.
It is with self-knowledge we can understand our principles, values, and our purpose. With self-knowledge we can understand the strengths we have and build upon them, and understand our short-comings as a means of improving them or knowing when to seek the assistance of others. Self-knowledge is evident in how we handle ourselves, how we make decisions, and face successes and challenges.
Challenges and obstacles in our lives also lead to self-discovery. No one will go in search of challenges and feelings of powerlessness, but it is these times of no answers, that we can begin to look in other places for the right questions.
How we react to situations out of our control will shape how we handle ourselves in the future. Do we simply stop trying and say give up or do we pick ourselves up and continue moving in a positive direction? The decisions we made, and how we arrived at those decisions will provide self-knowledge to be used at other times in our life.
Another step in self-discovery is to simply take a few minutes each day to reflect, to expose your mind to new information, or to observe the world around you and to stop focusing on the hustle and bustle around you. This may be a time to look back on your day, to write in your diary, to observe nature, to read or listen to personal development materials, to exercise, or listen to music.
Keeping a diary or going back and reading pieces you have previously written is an excellent way to reflect on your life and discover things about yourself. In doing this you have an opportunity to look back on previous thoughts and decisions and how at that time you expressed yourself in your writing. As you re-read your earlier words, your mindset, your approach, and the factors used in your decisions will be revealed to you. You have the benefit of looking back and seeing how perceptive you were to future events, or where you simply missed the mark both are important as you continue to move forward with your life.
In performing one or more of these activities, each of us will learn a little more of ourselves as we progress through the process of self-discovery to self-knowledge.
Contributed by Neil Graber, Life Style Mentor
An interesting website: Minds of Power is all about motivation for your mind … the aim is to bring you some of the best inspiration and personal development videos and content on the web.
Useful books on Philosophy and Critical Thinking Skills
Hear What People Are Really Saying
Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. How well you listen has a major impact on your job effectiveness, and on the quality of your relationships with others.
Consider:
Given all this listening we do, you would think we’d be good at it!
In fact more often we are not not.
Depending on the study being quoted, there is fair evidence that we remember a dismal 25-50% of what we hear. That means that when you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers or spouse for 10 minutes, they probably only really hear 2½-5 minutes of the conversation.
Turn it around and it reveals that when you are receiving directions or being presented with information, maybe you aren’t hearing the whole message either.
You hope the important parts are captured in your 25- 50%, but what if they’re not?
Clearly, listening is a skill that we can all benefit from improving. By becoming a better listener, you will improve your productivity, as well as your ability to influence, persuade negotiate. What’s more, you’ll avoid conflict and misunderstandings – all necessary for workplace success.
KEY LEARNING POINT Good communication skills require a high level of self-awareness. By understanding your personal style of communicating, you will go a long way towards creating good and lasting impressions with others. |
WHAT CAN WE DO ?
The way to become a better listener is to practice “active listening”.
This is where you make a conscious effort to hear not only the words that another person is saying but, more importantly, to try and understand the total message being sent.
In order to do this you must pay attention to the other person very carefully.
You cannot allow yourself to become distracted by what else may be going on around you, or by forming counter arguments that you’ll make when the other person stops speaking. Nor can you allow yourself to lose focus on what the other person is saying. All of these barriers contribute to a lack of listening and understanding.
Tip: |
To enhance your listening skills, you need to let the other person know that you are listening to what he or she is saying. To understand the importance of this, ask yourself if you’ve ever been engaged in a conversation when you wondered if the other person was listening to what you were saying. You wonder if your message is getting across, or if it’s even worthwhile to continue speaking. It feels like talking to a brick wall and it’s something you want to avoid.
Acknowledgement can be something as simple as a nod of the head or a simple “uh huh.” You aren’t necessarily agreeing with the person, you are simply indicating that you are listening. Using body language and other signs to acknowledge you are listening also reminds you to pay attention and not let your mind wander.
You should also try to respond to the speaker in a way that will both encourage him or her to continue speaking, so that you can get the information if you need. While nodding and “uh huhing” says you’re interested, an occasional question or comment to recap what has been said communicates that you understand the message as well.
Becoming an Active Listener
There are five key elements of active listening. They all help you ensure that you hear the other person, and that the other person knows you are hearing what they are saying.
- Pay attention.
Give the speaker your undivided attention and acknowledge the message. Recognise that what is not said also speaks loudly.- Look at the speaker directly.
- Put aside distracting thoughts. Don’t mentally prepare a rebuttal!
- Avoid being distracted by environmental factors.
- “Listen” to the speaker’s body language.
- Refrain from side conversations when listening in a group setting.
- Show that you are listening.
Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention.- Nod occasionally.
- Smile and use other facial expressions.
- Note your posture and make sure it is relaxed,open and inviting.
- Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes, and uh huh.
- Provide feedback.
Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require you to reflect what is being said and ask questions.- Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. “What I’m hearing is…” and “Sounds like you are saying…” are great ways to reflect back.
- Ask questions to clarify certain points. “What do you mean when you say…” “Is this what you mean?”
- Summarise the speaker’s comments periodically.
Tip: |
- Defer judgment.
Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message.- Allow the speaker to finish.
- Don’t interrupt with counterarguments.
- Respond Appropriately.
Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.- Be candid, open, and honest in your response.
- Assert your opinions respectfully.
- Treat the other person as he or she would want to be treated.
Key Learning Points:
It takes a lot of concentration and determination to be an active listener. Old habits are hard to break, and if your listening habits are as bad as many people’s are, then there’s a lot of habit-breaking to do!
- Be deliberate with your listening and remind yourself constantly that your goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying.
- Set aside all other thoughts and behaviours and concentrate on the message.
- Ask open questions, reflect, and paraphrase to ensure you understand the message. If you don’t, then you’ll find that what someone says to you and what you hear can be amazingly different!
- Make it fun to start using active listening today to become a better communicator and improve your workplace productivity and relationships.